So Much To Lose
by controlled climb
Summary: Lily's the girl you always meet in fairy tales. James is her Prince Charming. Too bad she doesn't want to be saved. - Birthday fic for Ali.


_Happy birthday, Ali!_**

* * *

**

I was the girl that you always meet in books, yet hard to imagine in reality. I suppose I was somewhat stunning, with vivid red hair and piercing green eyes. I got good grades too. What's more is that I had the most popular boy in school chasing me. It's a pity I didn't want to be chased.

James Potter. He was perfect in so many ways. One look was enough to make most girls melt. I wasn't most girls. He knew that though, and went great lengths to try and impress me. Numerous lilies and love notes would appear in my satchel. It was sweet, but I still said no to his pleas.

Can you blame me though? I didn't want to be played. He had been with other girls before. By been with, I mean _been with_. I wasn't prepared to be just another girl that he had pulled into bed. I didn't want to be just another scratch in the bedpost.

Something deep inside of me always assumed that he'd give up – that I was just a chase.

"Come on, Evans, just one date," James would plead.

"Not in this life time," I would reply harshly, keeping my eyes locked on the page on the book I was reading. Never would I look up. I was too afraid that I would melt in those gorgeous eyes of his, and that I would relent. How I wished that I could give into him – to accept his elaborate invites – but I had too much to risk. My reputation and dignity would have been at stake, and I couldn't have that.

Once I asked why. Why did he chase me, not anyone else? Why was I, plain Lily Evans, the subject of his affections? Why wouldn't he just _give up _already? Wasn't three years of mindless games enough? Wasn't three years of rejection enough for him?

Apparently not. For he told me that three years wasn't nearly enough to make him give up. He told me he'd wait a lifetime and more, and still never give up on me. I was perfect, according to him, and he loved me. That's why.

"Potter, are you alright?" I asked hesitantly, my hand hovering over his shoulder. His parents had just died. I couldn't relate, but I still felt sympathy towards him. He had always struck me as the sort of bloke that just didn't crack. That night though, on the Gryffindor couch, James Potter broke. I held him in my arms that night, whispering words of empty comfort in his ear.

A few months later, I suffered too. My parents… they were gone. I sat by the lake, my knees pressed against my chest as I cried softly to myself. It must have been hours later when he found me. By then my tears had dried, and I was staring blankly at nothing, wishing a daydream would sweep me away from reality.

"It gets easier, Lily, it gets easier," he whispered. It was my turn to cry in his arms.

He lied, of course. It didn't get easier. Holidays were dreadful, and by far the worst. We spent them together though, wallowing in our own despair. It was easier that way, so we didn't bring anyone else down.

Somewhere along the line, I fell in love. I was a little bit late though. It had been a long time since he had asked me out, so I kept my pretty little mouth shut. Jealousy consumed me when I saw him with other girls, and before long it was too much to bear. I dated other boys. I got _with_ other boys. Merlin, was that a mistake.

After having my heart broken for what felt like the thousandth time, I gave up. Boys just weren't worth it.

"How was your date with Elizabeth?" I would ask. My love life was pathetic, so I kept up to date with his. His skipping between girls was entertaining, to say the least.

"Brilliant," he replied shortly. "We broke up."

A grin would automatically spread, and a twinkle would return in my eyes. If that twinkle was the life in me, it died every time he asked another girl out.

"That's terrible, James," I would lie. "I'm sorry."

Of course, I was anything but. You might have noticed that we were first name basis now. After many days of comforting each other, his name just slipped out of my mouth. It tasted wonderful. The way the vowels would roll off my tongue made me smile, and though I loved saying his name, I avoided it at all costs. Too much to lose, remember?

As it turns out, there was a lot to lose. In the end, loving James would cost me my life. I don't regret it though. He was perfect, and with him by my side, so was I.


End file.
